Hitman: Agent 47

A poor EuropaCorp film NOT made by EuropaCorp


Hitman: Agent 47

  • A poor EuropaCorp film NOT made by EuropaCorp

Hitman: Agent 47

  • A poor EuropaCorp film NOT made by EuropaCorp


Rated

R

Starring

Rupert Friend
Hannah Ware
Zachary Quinto
Ciarán Hinds
Thomas Kretschmann

Written by

Skip Woods
Michael Finch

Directed by

Aleksander Bach



coming up

What to Expect

Yay! A reboot of a terrible movie adaptation of a seemingly terrific videogame! And what’s more, both the films share the same writer!

And for that, we give the film a double yay!

Now I’m not going to mince words, primarily because I’ve had to (and believe me when I have to say that) watch EuropaCorp’s first attempt at reprising Hitman and its primary character to film, when I say that the first Hitman was a terrible, terrible movie. And for that alone, I can totally see how very important it could have been for Fox to call for a franchise reboot before a sequel would potentially make things worse (remember the box-office collections of Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life?). This is, of course, why we ended up with this Rupert Friend starrer of relative newbie Aleksander Bach helmed film.

And that’s supposed to be a good thing, right? I mean, the bar was already low enough, so there shouldn’t really be any issues with topping that.

Right?

Right?

What’s it About?

Agent 47 (Rupert Friend) is called on to extract Katia (Hannah Ware), a woman who holds the possible key to everything the agents are made out of.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Stylish action and stuff.

Stylish action and stuff.

What’s very important to note here before probably commenting on this… movie, is that – and here’s at the risk of repeating myself – both the 2007 released Hitman and and this year’s Hitman: Agent 47 share a similarity in the writing credits – Skip Woods. It’s obvious that Woods, whose filmography includes such – uh – classics as A Good Day to Die Hard, The A-Team and Sabotage, was going to be the studio’s first choice, because hey! It’s the right thing to do when you’re rebooting a less-than-satisfactory film, right?

Wrong.

Because the movie, despite all of its technological dazzle and slick look, never manages to cut it from the very first scene. Starting off with a prologue that – a minute in – makes you care lesser and lesser about the agent program the narrator yammers on about, the movie paves a path of eventual boredom; and it isn’t just that. There’s boring boring character arcs, painfully predictable situations and continuity errors like it’s nobody’s business. That the movie isn’t even remotely entertaining, if only by means of potential unintentional hilarity, then becomes quite apparent.

The movie has a very futuristic, inorganic production design for obvious reasons, and cinematographer Óttar Guðnason seems to have no option but to glorify it. The music is appropriately heavy handed. The action choreography, if any, is completely ruined in Nicolas De Toth’s (Stoker) usage of trademark quick-cuts to dilute the impact for a larger audience type – a move that was completely unnecessary, considering especially that the film is rated R. And in between the rather uneventful action there’s this forced dramatic let’s-abruptly-be-Linklater dialogue that simply has to be shared by the lead protagonists, without the need to, if you look at it with a wide-angle lens really.

And please. Let’s just not forget how very EuropaCorp this film still seems to look, despite clearly not being produced by EuropaCorp this time. A particular action set-piece, for example, set in a multi-storeyed parking lot has 47 dash into a red Audi (of all brands), zooming through all the floors as his antagonists chase him and his unusual posse of people. (Funnily enough, we’ll also be watching a reboot of the Transporter franchise within the next weekend’s releases, and while I’m extremely skeptical about the movie, that’s a story to talk about later. It does feel like an funny coincidence though.)

The very problem with this film is not that it’s trash – which it is, to be very polite – but that this is the kind of trash that is painfully, excruciatingly boring. In fact, let me go out on a limb and state that the lazy, derivative execution of this movie makes the previous Hitman look like a masterpiece in storytelling. And this may or may not have clear references to the videogame, and may or may not be a piece of fan service for what little I know about its origins. But what it is, is a really, really bad film which doesn’t even do the basic honor of giving the audience some moderately serviceable entertainment.

To Perform or Not to Perform

Such guns. Very Shoot. Many red. Much amaze. Wow.

Such guns. Very Shoot. Many red. Much amaze. Wow.

Zachary Quinto and Hannah Ware are about the only two people who actually perform. And while the latter may not have the meaty role that might have been on paper, she is very expressive. She definitely should have trained a lot more to convincingly perform her sparing action choreography though. Quinto is great, and holds a great deal of promise at first, but then becomes a generic immortal-antagonist type. This is never his fault, as he gives the role his all till the very end. Rupert Friend is okay I guess; there was absolutely nothing for me to connect to his character. And considering his is the titular lead, it’s a damn shame it spilled on to the rest of the film. Now what’s arguable is that the character is sans any emotion. But then again, for a person without feelings, we’d expect a character that’s less limp and uninterested than he actually looks throughout. A clear (but admittedly debatable) example would be the character arc of “David” in Ridley Scott’s Prometheus, a wonderful performance that nailed the absence of human emotion quite well, if only compensating for it with the process of fascination. Ciarán Hinds reminds you in a not-so-good way of Sebastian Koch in (unsurprisingly) Woods’ previous writing disaster A Good Day to Die Hard. Thomas Kretschmann is supposedly the main antagonistic force, but his appearance is nothing but that of a prop throughout the film. and then there’s Angela “Angelababy” Yeung as Diana. Who’s there. And sits in a car. And stuff.

Worth it?

I can see no reason why it would be, unless you have a questionably high threshold on your appreciation of film, or you’re a die-hard Hitman fan with a dubiously exceptional level of denial. Let me re-iterate this once again, however, just to be clear: Hitman: Agent 47 is an exceptionally terrible mess of a cheap EuropaCorp lookalike (you should have made that sequel you cancelled with EuropaCorp if you were this desperate to borrow visual styles), really, what with the quick-cuts in action set-pieces and cookie-cutter characters being thrown into a cold looking film with not even moderate entertainment to spare.

But what were we really expecting out of a film with Skip Woods within its writing credits?

Consensus: 0.5 Stars
NO.
About the Author

Ankit Ojha

Facebook

Ambivert. Intermittent cynic. Content creator. New media enthusiast. Binge-watcher. Budding filmmaker.

Watch the trailer

We’re viral

Like UsFollow Us


Rated

R

Starring

Rupert Friend
Hannah Ware
Zachary Quinto
Ciarán Hinds
Thomas Kretschmann

Written by

Skip Woods
Michael Finch

Directed by

Aleksander Bach



What to Expect

Yay! A reboot of a terrible movie adaptation of a seemingly terrific videogame! And what’s more, both the films share the same writer!

And for that, we give the film a double yay!

Now I’m not going to mince words, primarily because I’ve had to (and believe me when I have to say that) watch EuropaCorp’s first attempt at reprising Hitman and its primary character to film, when I say that the first Hitman was a terrible, terrible movie. And for that alone, I can totally see how very important it could have been for Fox to call for a franchise reboot before a sequel would potentially make things worse (remember the box-office collections of Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life?). This is, of course, why we ended up with this Rupert Friend starrer of relative newbie Aleksander Bach helmed film.

And that’s supposed to be a good thing, right? I mean, the bar was already low enough, so there shouldn’t really be any issues with topping that.

Right?

Right?

What’s it About?

Agent 47 (Rupert Friend) is called on to extract Katia (Hannah Ware), a woman who holds the possible key to everything the agents are made out of.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Stylish action and stuff.

Stylish action and stuff.

What’s very important to note here before probably commenting on this… movie, is that – and here’s at the risk of repeating myself – both the 2007 released Hitman and and this year’s Hitman: Agent 47 share a similarity in the writing credits – Skip Woods. It’s obvious that Woods, whose filmography includes such – uh – classics as A Good Day to Die Hard, The A-Team and Sabotage, was going to be the studio’s first choice, because hey! It’s the right thing to do when you’re rebooting a less-than-satisfactory film, right?

Wrong.

Because the movie, despite all of its technological dazzle and slick look, never manages to cut it from the very first scene. Starting off with a prologue that – a minute in – makes you care lesser and lesser about the agent program the narrator yammers on about, the movie paves a path of eventual boredom; and it isn’t just that. There’s boring boring character arcs, painfully predictable situations and continuity errors like it’s nobody’s business. That the movie isn’t even remotely entertaining, if only by means of potential unintentional hilarity, then becomes quite apparent.

The movie has a very futuristic, inorganic production design for obvious reasons, and cinematographer Óttar Guðnason seems to have no option but to glorify it. The music is appropriately heavy handed. The action choreography, if any, is completely ruined in Nicolas De Toth’s (Stoker) usage of trademark quick-cuts to dilute the impact for a larger audience type – a move that was completely unnecessary, considering especially that the film is rated R. And in between the rather uneventful action there’s this forced dramatic let’s-abruptly-be-Linklater dialogue that simply has to be shared by the lead protagonists, without the need to, if you look at it with a wide-angle lens really.

And please. Let’s just not forget how very EuropaCorp this film still seems to look, despite clearly not being produced by EuropaCorp this time. A particular action set-piece, for example, set in a multi-storeyed parking lot has 47 dash into a red Audi (of all brands), zooming through all the floors as his antagonists chase him and his unusual posse of people. (Funnily enough, we’ll also be watching a reboot of the Transporter franchise within the next weekend’s releases, and while I’m extremely skeptical about the movie, that’s a story to talk about later. It does feel like an funny coincidence though.)

The very problem with this film is not that it’s trash – which it is, to be very polite – but that this is the kind of trash that is painfully, excruciatingly boring. In fact, let me go out on a limb and state that the lazy, derivative execution of this movie makes the previous Hitman look like a masterpiece in storytelling. And this may or may not have clear references to the videogame, and may or may not be a piece of fan service for what little I know about its origins. But what it is, is a really, really bad film which doesn’t even do the basic honor of giving the audience some moderately serviceable entertainment.

To Perform or Not to Perform

Such guns. Very Shoot. Many red. Much amaze. Wow.

Such guns. Very Shoot. Many red. Much amaze. Wow.

Zachary Quinto and Hannah Ware are about the only two people who actually perform. And while the latter may not have the meaty role that might have been on paper, she is very expressive. She definitely should have trained a lot more to convincingly perform her sparing action choreography though. Quinto is great, and holds a great deal of promise at first, but then becomes a generic immortal-antagonist type. This is never his fault, as he gives the role his all till the very end. Rupert Friend is okay I guess; there was absolutely nothing for me to connect to his character. And considering his is the titular lead, it’s a damn shame it spilled on to the rest of the film. Now what’s arguable is that the character is sans any emotion. But then again, for a person without feelings, we’d expect a character that’s less limp and uninterested than he actually looks throughout. A clear (but admittedly debatable) example would be the character arc of “David” in Ridley Scott’s Prometheus, a wonderful performance that nailed the absence of human emotion quite well, if only compensating for it with the process of fascination. Ciarán Hinds reminds you in a not-so-good way of Sebastian Koch in (unsurprisingly) Woods’ previous writing disaster A Good Day to Die Hard. Thomas Kretschmann is supposedly the main antagonistic force, but his appearance is nothing but that of a prop throughout the film. and then there’s Angela “Angelababy” Yeung as Diana. Who’s there. And sits in a car. And stuff.

Worth it?

I can see no reason why it would be, unless you have a questionably high threshold on your appreciation of film, or you’re a die-hard Hitman fan with a dubiously exceptional level of denial. Let me re-iterate this once again, however, just to be clear: Hitman: Agent 47 is an exceptionally terrible mess of a cheap EuropaCorp lookalike (you should have made that sequel you cancelled with EuropaCorp if you were this desperate to borrow visual styles), really, what with the quick-cuts in action set-pieces and cookie-cutter characters being thrown into a cold looking film with not even moderate entertainment to spare.

But what were we really expecting out of a film with Skip Woods within its writing credits?

Consensus: 0.5 Stars
NO.
About the Author

Ankit Ojha

Facebook

Ambivert. Intermittent cynic. Content creator. New media enthusiast. Binge-watcher. Budding filmmaker.

Watch the trailer

We’re viral

Like UsFollow Us

Cast Rupert Friend
Zachary Quinto
Hannah Ware
Director Aleksander Bach
Consensus: 0.5 STARS
NO.

What to Expect

Oooooooo mysteryyyyyyyyy! NOT.

Oooooooo mysteryyyyyyyyy! NOT.

Yay! A reboot of a terrible movie adaptation of a seemingly terrific videogame! And what’s more, both the films share the same writer!

And for that, we give the film a double yay!

Now I’m not going to mince words, primarily because I’ve had to (and believe me when I have to say that) watch EuropaCorp’s first attempt at reprising Hitman and its primary character to film, when I say that the first Hitman was a terrible, terrible movie. And for that alone, I can totally see how very important it could have been for Fox to call for a franchise reboot before a sequel would potentially make things worse (remember the box-office collections of Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life?). This is, of course, why we ended up with this Rupert Friend starrer of relative newbie Aleksander Bach helmed film.

And that’s supposed to be a good thing, right? I mean, the bar was already low enough, so there shouldn’t really be any issues with topping that.

Right?

Right?

What’s it About?

Agent 47 (Rupert Friend) is called on to extract Katia (Hannah Ware), a woman who holds the possible key to everything the agents are made out of.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Stylish action and stuff.

Stylish action and stuff.

What’s very important to note here before probably commenting on this… movie, is that – and here’s at the risk of repeating myself – both the 2007 released Hitman and and this year’s Hitman: Agent 47 share a similarity in the writing credits – Skip Woods. It’s obvious that Woods, whose filmography includes such – uh – classics as A Good Day to Die Hard, The A-Team and Sabotage, was going to be the studio’s first choice, because hey! It’s the right thing to do when you’re rebooting a less-than-satisfactory film, right?

Wrong.

Because the movie, despite all of its technological dazzle and slick look, never manages to cut it from the very first scene. Starting off with a prologue that – a minute in – makes you care lesser and lesser about the agent program the narrator yammers on about, the movie paves a path of eventual boredom; and it isn’t just that. There’s boring boring character arcs, painfully predictable situations and continuity errors like it’s nobody’s business. That the movie isn’t even remotely entertaining, if only by means of potential unintentional hilarity, then becomes quite apparent.

The movie has a very futuristic, inorganic production design for obvious reasons, and cinematographer Óttar Guðnason seems to have no option but to glorify it. The music is appropriately heavy handed. The action choreography, if any, is completely ruined in Nicolas De Toth’s (Stoker) usage of trademark quick-cuts to dilute the impact for a larger audience type – a move that was completely unnecessary, considering especially that the film is rated R. And in between the rather uneventful action there’s this forced dramatic let’s-abruptly-be-Linklater dialogue that simply has to be shared by the lead protagonists, without the need to, if you look at it with a wide-angle lens really.

And please. Let’s just not forget how very EuropaCorp this film still seems to look, despite clearly not being produced by EuropaCorp this time. A particular action set-piece, for example, set in a multi-storeyed parking lot has 47 dash into a red Audi (of all brands), zooming through all the floors as his antagonists chase him and his unusual posse of people. (Funnily enough, we’ll also be watching a reboot of the Transporter franchise within the next weekend’s releases, and while I’m extremely skeptical about the movie, that’s a story to talk about later. It does feel like an funny coincidence though.)

The very problem with this film is not that it’s trash – which it is, to be very polite – but that this is the kind of trash that is painfully, excruciatingly boring. In fact, let me go out on a limb and state that the lazy, derivative execution of this movie makes the previous Hitman look like a masterpiece in storytelling. And this may or may not have clear references to the videogame, and may or may not be a piece of fan service for what little I know about its origins. But what it is, is a really, really bad film which doesn’t even do the basic honor of giving the audience some moderately serviceable entertainment.

To Perform or Not to Perform

Such guns. Very Shoot. Many red. Much amaze. Wow.

Such guns. Very Shoot. Many red. Much amaze. Wow.

Zachary Quinto and Hannah Ware are about the only two people who actually perform. And while the latter may not have the meaty role that might have been on paper, she is very expressive. She definitely should have trained a lot more to convincingly perform her sparing action choreography though. Quinto is great, and holds a great deal of promise at first, but then becomes a generic immortal-antagonist type. This is never his fault, as he gives the role his all till the very end. Rupert Friend is okay I guess; there was absolutely nothing for me to connect to his character. And considering his is the titular lead, it’s a damn shame it spilled on to the rest of the film. Now what’s arguable is that the character is sans any emotion. But then again, for a person without feelings, we’d expect a character that’s less limp and uninterested than he actually looks throughout. A clear (but admittedly debatable) example would be the character arc of “David” in Ridley Scott’s Prometheus, a wonderful performance that nailed the absence of human emotion quite well, if only compensating for it with the process of fascination. Ciarán Hinds reminds you in a not-so-good way of Sebastian Koch in (unsurprisingly) Woods’ previous writing disaster A Good Day to Die Hard. Thomas Kretschmann is supposedly the main antagonistic force, but his appearance is nothing but that of a prop throughout the film. and then there’s Angela “Angelababy” Yeung as Diana. Who’s there. And sits in a car. And stuff.

Worth it?

I can see no reason why it would be, unless you have a questionably high threshold on your appreciation of film, or you’re a die-hard Hitman fan with a dubiously exceptional level of denial. Let me re-iterate this once again, however, just to be clear: Hitman: Agent 47 is an exceptionally terrible mess of a cheap EuropaCorp lookalike (you should have made that sequel you cancelled with EuropaCorp if you were this desperate to borrow visual styles), really, what with the quick-cuts in action set-pieces and cookie-cutter characters being thrown into a cold looking film with not even moderate entertainment to spare.

But what were we really expecting out of a film with Skip Woods within its writing credits?

About the Author

Ankit Ojha

Facebook

Ambivert. Intermittent cynic. Content creator. New media enthusiast. Binge-watcher. Budding filmmaker.

We’re viral

Like usFollow us
Cast Rupert Friend
Zachary Quinto
Hannah Ware
Director Aleksander Bach
Consensus: 0.5 Stars
NO.

What to Expect

Yay! A reboot of a terrible movie adaptation of a seemingly terrific videogame! And what’s more, both the films share the same writer!

And for that, we give the film a double yay!

Now I’m not going to mince words, primarily because I’ve had to (and believe me when I have to say that) watch EuropaCorp’s first attempt at reprising Hitman and its primary character to film, when I say that the first Hitman was a terrible, terrible movie. And for that alone, I can totally see how very important it could have been for Fox to call for a franchise reboot before a sequel would potentially make things worse (remember the box-office collections of Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life?). This is, of course, why we ended up with this Rupert Friend starrer of relative newbie Aleksander Bach helmed film.

And that’s supposed to be a good thing, right? I mean, the bar was already low enough, so there shouldn’t really be any issues with topping that.

Right?

Right?

What’s it About?

Agent 47 (Rupert Friend) is called on to extract Katia (Hannah Ware), a woman who holds the possible key to everything the agents are made out of.

Stylish action and stuff.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

What’s very important to note here before probably commenting on this… movie, is that – and here’s at the risk of repeating myself – both the 2007 released Hitman and and this year’s Hitman: Agent 47 share a similarity in the writing credits – Skip Woods. It’s obvious that Woods, whose filmography includes such – uh – classics as A Good Day to Die Hard, The A-Team and Sabotage, was going to be the studio’s first choice, because hey! It’s the right thing to do when you’re rebooting a less-than-satisfactory film, right?

Wrong.

Because the movie, despite all of its technological dazzle and slick look, never manages to cut it from the very first scene. Starting off with a prologue that – a minute in – makes you care lesser and lesser about the agent program the narrator yammers on about, the movie paves a path of eventual boredom; and it isn’t just that. There’s boring boring character arcs, painfully predictable situations and continuity errors like it’s nobody’s business. That the movie isn’t even remotely entertaining, if only by means of potential unintentional hilarity, then becomes quite apparent.

The movie has a very futuristic, inorganic production design for obvious reasons, and cinematographer Óttar Guðnason seems to have no option but to glorify it. The music is appropriately heavy handed. The action choreography, if any, is completely ruined in Nicolas De Toth’s (Stoker) usage of trademark quick-cuts to dilute the impact for a larger audience type – a move that was completely unnecessary, considering especially that the film is rated R. And in between the rather uneventful action there’s this forced dramatic let’s-abruptly-be-Linklater dialogue that simply has to be shared by the lead protagonists, without the need to, if you look at it with a wide-angle lens really.

And please. Let’s just not forget how very EuropaCorp this film still seems to look, despite clearly not being produced by EuropaCorp this time. A particular action set-piece, for example, set in a multi-storeyed parking lot has 47 dash into a red Audi (of all brands), zooming through all the floors as his antagonists chase him and his unusual posse of people. (Funnily enough, we’ll also be watching a reboot of the Transporter franchise within the next weekend’s releases, and while I’m extremely skeptical about the movie, that’s a story to talk about later. It does feel like an funny coincidence though.)

The very problem with this film is not that it’s trash – which it is, to be very polite – but that this is the kind of trash that is painfully, excruciatingly boring. In fact, let me go out on a limb and state that the lazy, derivative execution of this movie makes the previous Hitman look like a masterpiece in storytelling. And this may or may not have clear references to the videogame, and may or may not be a piece of fan service for what little I know about its origins. But what it is, is a really, really bad film which doesn’t even do the basic honor of giving the audience some moderately serviceable entertainment.

Such guns. Very shoot. Many red. Much amaze. Wow.

To Perform or Not to Perform

Zachary Quinto and Hannah Ware are about the only two people who actually perform. And while the latter may not have the meaty role that might have been on paper, she is very expressive. She definitely should have trained a lot more to convincingly perform her sparing action choreography though. Quinto is great, and holds a great deal of promise at first, but then becomes a generic immortal-antagonist type. This is never his fault, as he gives the role his all till the very end. Rupert Friend is okay I guess; there was absolutely nothing for me to connect to his character. And considering his is the titular lead, it’s a damn shame it spilled on to the rest of the film. Now what’s arguable is that the character is sans any emotion. But then again, for a person without feelings, we’d expect a character that’s less limp and uninterested than he actually looks throughout. A clear (but admittedly debatable) example would be the character arc of “David” in Ridley Scott’s Prometheus, a wonderful performance that nailed the absence of human emotion quite well, if only compensating for it with the process of fascination. Ciarán Hinds reminds you in a not-so-good way of Sebastian Koch in (unsurprisingly) Woods’ previous writing disaster A Good Day to Die Hard. Thomas Kretschmann is supposedly the main antagonistic force, but his appearance is nothing but that of a prop throughout the film. and then there’s Angela “Angelababy” Yeung as Diana. Who’s there. And sits in a car. And stuff.

Worth it?

I can see no reason why it would be, unless you have a questionably high threshold on your appreciation of film, or you’re a die-hard Hitman fan with a dubiously exceptional level of denial. Let me re-iterate this once again, however, just to be clear: Hitman: Agent 47 is an exceptionally terrible mess of a cheap EuropaCorp lookalike (you should have made that sequel you cancelled with EuropaCorp if you were this desperate to borrow visual styles), really, what with the quick-cuts in action set-pieces and cookie-cutter characters being thrown into a cold looking film with not even moderate entertainment to spare.

But what were we really expecting out of a film with Skip Woods within its writing credits?

About the Author

Ankit Ojha

Facebook

Ambivert. Intermittent cynic. Content creator. New media enthusiast. Binge-watcher. Budding filmmaker.

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